Even When I Lose My Head

The cloudless sky was a blue blanket with millions of tiny holes. The wind was a soft caress, ruffling the leaves on the ground. 


Lying on a blanket, amongst the leaves, Michael Jones looked up at the sky, attempting to count each and every twinkling speck. 


On his chest, Michael’s husband, Darius twisted the buttons of Michael’s shirt. With his ear pressed to Michael’s chest, the sound of Michael’s heart thumping in his chest was like a sweet lullaby. Michael was alive, it was a war to get to this point, but they did it; Darius helped his husband slay the dragon that was his depression. Of course, the dragon wasn’t actually dead, just dormant, sleeping, waiting for its next opportunity to strike; But for now, the husbands were soaking up every second of peace the dragon’s temporary death provided.


“I love you.” Darius said suddenly.


His voice was raw and horse from all the yelling they’d done that day.


“I love you too. I wish I loved you enough to set you free though.” Michael said.


“Stop it. I’m not a prisoner.” Darius said.


Michael always said he wasn’t worthy of being loved by anyone but Darius knew that that was just the depression talking. 


On his darkest days, Michael would scream and throw things, telling Darius to leave, pack up the car, and drive off. 


Darius knew that it wasn’t his husband talking on those days. It killed him to see Micheal battle the darkest parts of himself all alone. 


They’d tried therapy, meds, and a whole host of hippy-dippy treatments, and it worked; until it didn’t. For a couple of months, Micheal was alive and on fire. To-do lists were getting checked off, sex was being had, and Darius felt like he’d gotten his husband back. 


Then, a flip would switch and suddenly they were crashing, free falling from the sky. But Darius was always there. Whether they were flying high or nose-diving, Darius was right there, sticking to the words he said to Micheal when they stood in that dirty little chapel in Salt Lake City and exchanged vows and rings.

“Til death do us part, remember?” Darius said, turning his head to look at his husband. 


Micheal’s chest bounced as he let out a laugh.


 “Geez babe, I didn’t know you actually meant it.” Michael said.


Darius shook his head before shifting himself higher on his husband’s chest.


“Of course I did.” He whispered, kissing Michael’s lips.


And he did. Even when Michael lost his head and didn’t know how he’d ever make it to tomorrow, Darius loved him and would do all that he could to support his man.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this little story. I know I mainly write women who love women and non-binary stories, but I wanna start writing about other parts of the LGBTQIA community. So if you’ve got story ideas, tweet at #TheRoyalBlueNetwork on twitter, or post it on the Facebook wall. 

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